We Ate Bugs & We Liked It

After listening to a podcast all about sustainable foods, we HAD to EAT BUGS!

Yup you read that right! When we heard that crickets have 2x the protein of beef, 3x more iron than spinach, and more fiber than beans and peas, we ordered up some Chirp Chips! You see, we are always trying to get more protein into our kiddos, especially Liam {his medication decreases his appetite, so any chance we get, we up his intake}, so why not get them to snack on bugs!

The day our shipment arrived we gathered around the bags, Sea Salt, BBQ and Cheddar, and nervously eyed the packaging which read: One Cricket Per Chip... AHHHHH Did you catch that? I said ONE CRICKET PER CHIP!!

We all looked at each other, took a chip and it was love at first bite! They taste like yummy corn chips. The BBQ is a family favorite but I LOVED the Sea Salt. And hey to produce the same amount of protein, it uses 1000x less water than beef and 10x less water than soy. Plus, it's a complete protein with all essential amino acids and keeps you fuller for longer. So for us, it's all good to eat some bugs. In fact, we like them so much we are going to order some Cricket Protein!

For the record, this is not an endorsement. I just thought you'd get kick out of it and hey maybe even order up some crickets for yourself. {Although if the Chirps folks feel like sending us some chips, we wouldn't turn them way!}

Do What You Love

Something I have been struggling with lately is purpose. I want my time here to matter, so I have been giving a lot of thought to it. And it is very elusive for me, the closer I think I am to unearthing my calling, it remains just out of reach. So I have been listening to Eckard Tollee, Brene Brown and a series of incredible podcasts, but I then a new teacher showed up in the strangest of places.

Driving Liam to rehearsal last week we drove past a building with a huge for sale sign. I said, "woah look, that building is for sale, I wonder what will happen to it." And Liam replied, "you should buy it and open a business."  Half laughing, I started to turn up the music and end the conversation but something stopped me and instead I asked, "what kind of business would I have? What should I be doing?" And he simply said, "do what you love. That's all."

A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't really speak because he zeroed in immediately on what all of these very famous people and spiritual teachers I had been listening to have said: to find your purpose look at what you love. But when I try, I encounter a block. And that block is so real to me that I can see, feel its smooth texture and its palpable frustration. But I also sense that when I reach the top of this next spiral of life, I will be able to get a glimpse over the block and see it for the first time, its warm light shining over the peak.

Thankfully I didn't need to say anything because Liam continued, "you love music mom. You could teach again like you did at Tiny Tunes. You could sing all day and you'd be so happy." I said, "maybe. I do love singing and I love teaching." And suddenly he was on fire, "oh wait! What if we opened The Mumford Diner! We could have a special sandwich made with waffles and egg and bacon and call it the "Mumford" and Grammy could make her special chocolate and blueberry pancakes."

And he went on and on and on.... he knew the color of the walls, he saw the artwork hanging, what the menus looked like, and how happy we would make people--and how we would sing as we brought them to the tables! He could taste the food, hear the music, the laughter and feel the connection and love. And through his eyes, I experienced it too... it was like magic. 

I have read a lot about visualization and how powerful it can be when you want to manifest something, but I have never been able to accomplish it or witness it. It left me inspired, empowered and in awe of this kid's ability to let his imagination take flight at a moment's notice. 

On the advice of my friend Michelle, I am going to start to keep a joy journal. When I experience it, I am going to write it down or track it in my phone, then in a few months I can look back and see if there is an emerging pattern. After all, seeing is believing...

But I remain grateful for the 8-year-old who set my heart ablaze with his pure insight, because it is through the eyes of a child that honesty can truly be seen.

Small Steps, Big Love

Like most everyone, my heart was broken last week... It gave me pause to think about how small actions can really save lives. And then I stumbled upon this Momastery blog, which is now being picked up by bigger outlets. It tells the story of one teacher's technique to see how children are authentically relating to each other. 

The quiet brilliance of this teacher really resonated with me, and prompted some reflection on the experiences we have had with our own children. We are lucky to live in a school district where we have seen teachers go above and beyond to help our boys. As most of you know, both our kiddos are on IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and part of those plans is monitoring their placement on a bullying watch list. Now, I know some of you out there will think the bullying list is ridiculous, but it is an important piece of our son's plan--he is very susceptible to being bullied and by being on this list has had some personal growth that may not have happened if he were not on it. 

Because these lists are at the forefront of teachers' minds, they look at the interactions between students through a lens of acceptance and kindness, encouraging empathy and understanding. One day my son was playing with another child and that student wasn't treating him well. After recess his teacher noticed he was a little off and with some prompting was able to learn what happened. She then asked him what his plan was to make the situation better, he answered, "whatever he wants me to do. I will do anything to be his friend." As a mom my heart broke into a thousand pieces when I heard that, but I give credit to his teacher who said, "we need a better plan."

It was through this interaction that my son learned what it means to be a good friend, that compromising yourself isn't healthy and that talking out our problems with each other is key to healing and growth. This was a big, big, big deal for our family and helped us frame future conversations with both kids. And I can't help but think about how these small moments could easily go unnoticed, easily get glossed over "as kids will be kids." I believe they could be the key to unlocking a child's ability to approach situations and peer interactions without jumping to frustration, anger and bitterness.

There is so much that needs to change and hopefully will. But I hope that these stories, about a teacher who simply asks where her students want to sit or our child's teacher who validated his self-worth when he needed it, will continue to surface and build momentum for proactively helping our children, nurturing social and emotional learning and cultivating positivity and mindfulness. 

Sometimes all it takes is a moment to change someone's life.

Bedtime

"Why are you taking a picture of me?"

"I want to remember this."

"Me too."

10 minutes earlier.... 

He is crying for me. He hasn't done that in a long time. I was getting my coat on to go pick up his brother but I stop and look up at the saddest face in the world. Fresh from the tub, hair all crazy and I ask Jesse if he can get Liam so I can stay. 

He reaches up and out for me, "Mommy, I just need you." I scoop him up grateful for his warmth and how tightly he holds on. I don't know why he needs me, but I doesn't matter.

As we get ready for books we notice a lady bug on the wall. 

"The lady bug is so small. He needs someone to watch over him and protect him, like a parent, like you help me. I will be his parent, I will love him and protect him, ok?"

And I can't speak. His kindness and empathy radiates. My heart is so full. And in a flash it feels like it is being crushed under the weight of experience. How long do I have for moments like this? As he gets older, I know he will still be affectionate, but it will be different. Not good, not bad, just different. I yearn to hold on to this five-year-old beauty, but it is already slipping silently away.

And so as I tuck him in, I crawl in too. He pulls the covers over both of us and I lay with him for a few minutes.

Because I want to smell his hair, touch his cheek. Because I want to hold his hand while he drifts.  

Because I can. Because he will let me. Because I don't know when he will ask again.... 

Taking A Moment

I need to leave in 10 minutes to pick up Liam, I have freelance projects due tonight, home insurance to deal with, volunteer work to do, dinner to figure out..... I am feeling overwhelmed and suddenly frozen with the onset of anxiety that it won’t all get it done, how can it all get done…

And then I look down at the necklace I am wearing, I take a deep breath, lower my shoulders, surrender to the moment and exhale, making a similar sound to when I would fog a window on a cold day so I could doodle a heart, it is always a heart.

My necklace holds a pendant in the shape of an acorn—the acorn is made from the fluffy white dandelion seeds dipped in clear acrylic. In the moment before someone wished and sent those small seeds into the air, they were gathered and transformed into a clear acorn shape fitted with a real acorn top. It shows me the power of possibility, of growth and the magic of wishes frozen in time.

Many acorns will be disregarded, stepped on, taken away by wildlife (or my kids who love to collect them) but some of them will survive and thrive, breaking through to grow into a new tree. That’s what I want to do right now, survive the moment to thrive later on. As I pause, the light catches the tiny dandelion fuzz in the light and I can see the seeds shining through. And I remember hearing once that dandelions represent the sun, moon and stars—the yellow for the sun, white puff for the moon and when the seeds fly through the air they are like the stars. It’s funny to think that these little seeds can travel miles seeking the best place to grow… kind of like the wishes cast out by children and adults alike.

And just like that I am calmer, all the stuff rolling around in my head is quiet and stand to get the car keys looking at Connor for the first real time today. Face all scrunched, he wants me to stop typing so he can watch a terrible YouTube video, so instead I take his face in my heads and kiss him all over. He is laughing now, videos forgotten, he skips to the kitchen for a snack and I leave to get Liam at rehearsal knowing that I escaped the world of overwhelm by simply being mindful. 

There was a time, not long ago where moments like this would have consumed me. I would have been useless for the rest of day, balled up, tight-fisted and dripping in sweat, but today is a new day filled with little specks of possibility…. and maybe even a little magic.

Thank you to my beautiful friend Michelle for years of friendship and of course, this necklace.

The Hair Makes the Man

The new haircut

Last weekend we took the boys for haircuts. And now I cannot stop staring at Liam because he grew with every lock of hair that floated to the ground.

For those of you who don’t know, Liam is very particular about his hair—he likes it combed forward, straight down, never to the side and he likes it with a little length to it. So, I asked the barber (the same one who gave him his very first haircut!) to keep it long on the top, short on the sides and the back. Then those two put their heads together and started whispering… I heard something about a “secret haircut” and then Dominic, the barber, winked at me and said, “don’t worry.”

And when he was done, the little elf kid with long hair and sweet, delicate features was gone—replaced by a handsome young man that I have to admit I was not ready to see. Now I can’t stop looking at him, touching his super-short strands and playing with the “spike” in the front. It’s like I am seeing him for the first time in a long time—and you know what, I think I am.

Liam at 18 months

We get so caught up in the day-to-day mayhem that can only be the Mumford house that I don’t stop to really look at my boys. I don’t pause to notice how angular his face has become, how skinny his arms and legs are now that grew another inch (or more!) and how knowing his eyes are now. When I see him in mind’s eye, he is still a chubby toddler racing around our NY apartment, cheeks a flapping and thighs a thundering, blonde hair in his wild, excited, open eyes. My heart aches to go back to those days when our biggest problem was having multiple pacifiers in every bag, drawer and bedside—and yet THIS is such an amazing time.

Now that my eyes have been opened, I am going to keep them open as long as I can, I don’t want to miss a beat of him spreading his wings and soaring into his true self, a journey that started with a simple haircut. 

In the Wee Small Hours...

Lying in bed with the chill from outside still on my cheeks. I let the softness of the blankets wrap me in warmth with visions of my victory dancing through my head. After all it's not every day you race outside and actually CATCH the trash guy before he is gone. Especially on a Saturday. Especially when the sun is just rising. Especially after a blizzard!

Somewhere in that delicious state of almost asleep-ness, I hear a stir from the other room. And before I can even process what's happening, I get a tingle of excitement like butterflies in my belly. It gives me pause, wakes me up to a new realization. Do I always get a little rush of happy when I hear my boys begin to stir? I think I do! HA! How funny. How strange. How amazing!

And just like that I am awake, not only to the day, but to the fact that there are two children in the other room who call me mom... and suddenly I am filled with so much gratitude that my eyes well up. Completely caught off-guard by how after eight years of being a mama I can still be affected by the awesomeness of being a parent, I breathe in the moment letting it wash over me like a warm shower of grace and honor. I feel silly for being so overwhelmed by this emotion, but at the same time I want to shout, I am a mom! Can you believe how lucky I am? I smile to myself in the diminishing darkness and simply let it go. I don't care if it's silly or ridiculous, it is so real to me right now. 

So I lay there... my body sinking into the bed with exhaustion but my mind alive with anticipation. Then I hear it: thud.....thud.... thud...thud...thud...thudthudthud. And two eyes meet mine, straw-like hair everywhere. I scoop him up into bed with me and his sweet, sleepy smile melts me. And in a flash it's replaced by a mischievous grin and I know the game is on. Jumping up, he pauses only for second to say "Mommy are you coming?" 

And while my whole self wants nothing more than sleep, I find myself following him downstairs for cereal and Scooby Doo. And it's here that I write this, on the couch, covered in blankets in the half light, a blond head on my shoulder and a happy heart.