We Ate Bugs & We Liked It

After listening to a podcast all about sustainable foods, we HAD to EAT BUGS!

Yup you read that right! When we heard that crickets have 2x the protein of beef, 3x more iron than spinach, and more fiber than beans and peas, we ordered up some Chirp Chips! You see, we are always trying to get more protein into our kiddos, especially Liam {his medication decreases his appetite, so any chance we get, we up his intake}, so why not get them to snack on bugs!

The day our shipment arrived we gathered around the bags, Sea Salt, BBQ and Cheddar, and nervously eyed the packaging which read: One Cricket Per Chip... AHHHHH Did you catch that? I said ONE CRICKET PER CHIP!!

We all looked at each other, took a chip and it was love at first bite! They taste like yummy corn chips. The BBQ is a family favorite but I LOVED the Sea Salt. And hey to produce the same amount of protein, it uses 1000x less water than beef and 10x less water than soy. Plus, it's a complete protein with all essential amino acids and keeps you fuller for longer. So for us, it's all good to eat some bugs. In fact, we like them so much we are going to order some Cricket Protein!

For the record, this is not an endorsement. I just thought you'd get kick out of it and hey maybe even order up some crickets for yourself. {Although if the Chirps folks feel like sending us some chips, we wouldn't turn them way!}

Bedtime

"Why are you taking a picture of me?"

"I want to remember this."

"Me too."

10 minutes earlier.... 

He is crying for me. He hasn't done that in a long time. I was getting my coat on to go pick up his brother but I stop and look up at the saddest face in the world. Fresh from the tub, hair all crazy and I ask Jesse if he can get Liam so I can stay. 

He reaches up and out for me, "Mommy, I just need you." I scoop him up grateful for his warmth and how tightly he holds on. I don't know why he needs me, but I doesn't matter.

As we get ready for books we notice a lady bug on the wall. 

"The lady bug is so small. He needs someone to watch over him and protect him, like a parent, like you help me. I will be his parent, I will love him and protect him, ok?"

And I can't speak. His kindness and empathy radiates. My heart is so full. And in a flash it feels like it is being crushed under the weight of experience. How long do I have for moments like this? As he gets older, I know he will still be affectionate, but it will be different. Not good, not bad, just different. I yearn to hold on to this five-year-old beauty, but it is already slipping silently away.

And so as I tuck him in, I crawl in too. He pulls the covers over both of us and I lay with him for a few minutes.

Because I want to smell his hair, touch his cheek. Because I want to hold his hand while he drifts.  

Because I can. Because he will let me. Because I don't know when he will ask again.... 

Taking A Moment

I need to leave in 10 minutes to pick up Liam, I have freelance projects due tonight, home insurance to deal with, volunteer work to do, dinner to figure out..... I am feeling overwhelmed and suddenly frozen with the onset of anxiety that it won’t all get it done, how can it all get done…

And then I look down at the necklace I am wearing, I take a deep breath, lower my shoulders, surrender to the moment and exhale, making a similar sound to when I would fog a window on a cold day so I could doodle a heart, it is always a heart.

My necklace holds a pendant in the shape of an acorn—the acorn is made from the fluffy white dandelion seeds dipped in clear acrylic. In the moment before someone wished and sent those small seeds into the air, they were gathered and transformed into a clear acorn shape fitted with a real acorn top. It shows me the power of possibility, of growth and the magic of wishes frozen in time.

Many acorns will be disregarded, stepped on, taken away by wildlife (or my kids who love to collect them) but some of them will survive and thrive, breaking through to grow into a new tree. That’s what I want to do right now, survive the moment to thrive later on. As I pause, the light catches the tiny dandelion fuzz in the light and I can see the seeds shining through. And I remember hearing once that dandelions represent the sun, moon and stars—the yellow for the sun, white puff for the moon and when the seeds fly through the air they are like the stars. It’s funny to think that these little seeds can travel miles seeking the best place to grow… kind of like the wishes cast out by children and adults alike.

And just like that I am calmer, all the stuff rolling around in my head is quiet and stand to get the car keys looking at Connor for the first real time today. Face all scrunched, he wants me to stop typing so he can watch a terrible YouTube video, so instead I take his face in my heads and kiss him all over. He is laughing now, videos forgotten, he skips to the kitchen for a snack and I leave to get Liam at rehearsal knowing that I escaped the world of overwhelm by simply being mindful. 

There was a time, not long ago where moments like this would have consumed me. I would have been useless for the rest of day, balled up, tight-fisted and dripping in sweat, but today is a new day filled with little specks of possibility…. and maybe even a little magic.

Thank you to my beautiful friend Michelle for years of friendship and of course, this necklace.

In the Wee Small Hours...

Lying in bed with the chill from outside still on my cheeks. I let the softness of the blankets wrap me in warmth with visions of my victory dancing through my head. After all it's not every day you race outside and actually CATCH the trash guy before he is gone. Especially on a Saturday. Especially when the sun is just rising. Especially after a blizzard!

Somewhere in that delicious state of almost asleep-ness, I hear a stir from the other room. And before I can even process what's happening, I get a tingle of excitement like butterflies in my belly. It gives me pause, wakes me up to a new realization. Do I always get a little rush of happy when I hear my boys begin to stir? I think I do! HA! How funny. How strange. How amazing!

And just like that I am awake, not only to the day, but to the fact that there are two children in the other room who call me mom... and suddenly I am filled with so much gratitude that my eyes well up. Completely caught off-guard by how after eight years of being a mama I can still be affected by the awesomeness of being a parent, I breathe in the moment letting it wash over me like a warm shower of grace and honor. I feel silly for being so overwhelmed by this emotion, but at the same time I want to shout, I am a mom! Can you believe how lucky I am? I smile to myself in the diminishing darkness and simply let it go. I don't care if it's silly or ridiculous, it is so real to me right now. 

So I lay there... my body sinking into the bed with exhaustion but my mind alive with anticipation. Then I hear it: thud.....thud.... thud...thud...thud...thudthudthud. And two eyes meet mine, straw-like hair everywhere. I scoop him up into bed with me and his sweet, sleepy smile melts me. And in a flash it's replaced by a mischievous grin and I know the game is on. Jumping up, he pauses only for second to say "Mommy are you coming?" 

And while my whole self wants nothing more than sleep, I find myself following him downstairs for cereal and Scooby Doo. And it's here that I write this, on the couch, covered in blankets in the half light, a blond head on my shoulder and a happy heart.