Like most everyone, my heart was broken last week... It gave me pause to think about how small actions can really save lives. And then I stumbled upon this Momastery blog, which is now being picked up by bigger outlets. It tells the story of one teacher's technique to see how children are authentically relating to each other.
The quiet brilliance of this teacher really resonated with me, and prompted some reflection on the experiences we have had with our own children. We are lucky to live in a school district where we have seen teachers go above and beyond to help our boys. As most of you know, both our kiddos are on IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and part of those plans is monitoring their placement on a bullying watch list. Now, I know some of you out there will think the bullying list is ridiculous, but it is an important piece of our son's plan--he is very susceptible to being bullied and by being on this list has had some personal growth that may not have happened if he were not on it.
Because these lists are at the forefront of teachers' minds, they look at the interactions between students through a lens of acceptance and kindness, encouraging empathy and understanding. One day my son was playing with another child and that student wasn't treating him well. After recess his teacher noticed he was a little off and with some prompting was able to learn what happened. She then asked him what his plan was to make the situation better, he answered, "whatever he wants me to do. I will do anything to be his friend." As a mom my heart broke into a thousand pieces when I heard that, but I give credit to his teacher who said, "we need a better plan."
It was through this interaction that my son learned what it means to be a good friend, that compromising yourself isn't healthy and that talking out our problems with each other is key to healing and growth. This was a big, big, big deal for our family and helped us frame future conversations with both kids. And I can't help but think about how these small moments could easily go unnoticed, easily get glossed over "as kids will be kids." I believe they could be the key to unlocking a child's ability to approach situations and peer interactions without jumping to frustration, anger and bitterness.
There is so much that needs to change and hopefully will. But I hope that these stories, about a teacher who simply asks where her students want to sit or our child's teacher who validated his self-worth when he needed it, will continue to surface and build momentum for proactively helping our children, nurturing social and emotional learning and cultivating positivity and mindfulness.
Sometimes all it takes is a moment to change someone's life.