Do What You Love

Something I have been struggling with lately is purpose. I want my time here to matter, so I have been giving a lot of thought to it. And it is very elusive for me, the closer I think I am to unearthing my calling, it remains just out of reach. So I have been listening to Eckard Tollee, Brene Brown and a series of incredible podcasts, but I then a new teacher showed up in the strangest of places.

Driving Liam to rehearsal last week we drove past a building with a huge for sale sign. I said, "woah look, that building is for sale, I wonder what will happen to it." And Liam replied, "you should buy it and open a business."  Half laughing, I started to turn up the music and end the conversation but something stopped me and instead I asked, "what kind of business would I have? What should I be doing?" And he simply said, "do what you love. That's all."

A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't really speak because he zeroed in immediately on what all of these very famous people and spiritual teachers I had been listening to have said: to find your purpose look at what you love. But when I try, I encounter a block. And that block is so real to me that I can see, feel its smooth texture and its palpable frustration. But I also sense that when I reach the top of this next spiral of life, I will be able to get a glimpse over the block and see it for the first time, its warm light shining over the peak.

Thankfully I didn't need to say anything because Liam continued, "you love music mom. You could teach again like you did at Tiny Tunes. You could sing all day and you'd be so happy." I said, "maybe. I do love singing and I love teaching." And suddenly he was on fire, "oh wait! What if we opened The Mumford Diner! We could have a special sandwich made with waffles and egg and bacon and call it the "Mumford" and Grammy could make her special chocolate and blueberry pancakes."

And he went on and on and on.... he knew the color of the walls, he saw the artwork hanging, what the menus looked like, and how happy we would make people--and how we would sing as we brought them to the tables! He could taste the food, hear the music, the laughter and feel the connection and love. And through his eyes, I experienced it too... it was like magic. 

I have read a lot about visualization and how powerful it can be when you want to manifest something, but I have never been able to accomplish it or witness it. It left me inspired, empowered and in awe of this kid's ability to let his imagination take flight at a moment's notice. 

On the advice of my friend Michelle, I am going to start to keep a joy journal. When I experience it, I am going to write it down or track it in my phone, then in a few months I can look back and see if there is an emerging pattern. After all, seeing is believing...

But I remain grateful for the 8-year-old who set my heart ablaze with his pure insight, because it is through the eyes of a child that honesty can truly be seen.

Small Steps, Big Love

Like most everyone, my heart was broken last week... It gave me pause to think about how small actions can really save lives. And then I stumbled upon this Momastery blog, which is now being picked up by bigger outlets. It tells the story of one teacher's technique to see how children are authentically relating to each other. 

The quiet brilliance of this teacher really resonated with me, and prompted some reflection on the experiences we have had with our own children. We are lucky to live in a school district where we have seen teachers go above and beyond to help our boys. As most of you know, both our kiddos are on IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and part of those plans is monitoring their placement on a bullying watch list. Now, I know some of you out there will think the bullying list is ridiculous, but it is an important piece of our son's plan--he is very susceptible to being bullied and by being on this list has had some personal growth that may not have happened if he were not on it. 

Because these lists are at the forefront of teachers' minds, they look at the interactions between students through a lens of acceptance and kindness, encouraging empathy and understanding. One day my son was playing with another child and that student wasn't treating him well. After recess his teacher noticed he was a little off and with some prompting was able to learn what happened. She then asked him what his plan was to make the situation better, he answered, "whatever he wants me to do. I will do anything to be his friend." As a mom my heart broke into a thousand pieces when I heard that, but I give credit to his teacher who said, "we need a better plan."

It was through this interaction that my son learned what it means to be a good friend, that compromising yourself isn't healthy and that talking out our problems with each other is key to healing and growth. This was a big, big, big deal for our family and helped us frame future conversations with both kids. And I can't help but think about how these small moments could easily go unnoticed, easily get glossed over "as kids will be kids." I believe they could be the key to unlocking a child's ability to approach situations and peer interactions without jumping to frustration, anger and bitterness.

There is so much that needs to change and hopefully will. But I hope that these stories, about a teacher who simply asks where her students want to sit or our child's teacher who validated his self-worth when he needed it, will continue to surface and build momentum for proactively helping our children, nurturing social and emotional learning and cultivating positivity and mindfulness. 

Sometimes all it takes is a moment to change someone's life.