Something I have been struggling with lately is purpose. I want my time here to matter, so I have been giving a lot of thought to it. And it is very elusive for me, the closer I think I am to unearthing my calling, it remains just out of reach. So I have been listening to Eckard Tollee, Brene Brown and a series of incredible podcasts, but I then a new teacher showed up in the strangest of places.
Driving Liam to rehearsal last week we drove past a building with a huge for sale sign. I said, "woah look, that building is for sale, I wonder what will happen to it." And Liam replied, "you should buy it and open a business." Half laughing, I started to turn up the music and end the conversation but something stopped me and instead I asked, "what kind of business would I have? What should I be doing?" And he simply said, "do what you love. That's all."
A lump formed in my throat and I couldn't really speak because he zeroed in immediately on what all of these very famous people and spiritual teachers I had been listening to have said: to find your purpose look at what you love. But when I try, I encounter a block. And that block is so real to me that I can see, feel its smooth texture and its palpable frustration. But I also sense that when I reach the top of this next spiral of life, I will be able to get a glimpse over the block and see it for the first time, its warm light shining over the peak.
Thankfully I didn't need to say anything because Liam continued, "you love music mom. You could teach again like you did at Tiny Tunes. You could sing all day and you'd be so happy." I said, "maybe. I do love singing and I love teaching." And suddenly he was on fire, "oh wait! What if we opened The Mumford Diner! We could have a special sandwich made with waffles and egg and bacon and call it the "Mumford" and Grammy could make her special chocolate and blueberry pancakes."
And he went on and on and on.... he knew the color of the walls, he saw the artwork hanging, what the menus looked like, and how happy we would make people--and how we would sing as we brought them to the tables! He could taste the food, hear the music, the laughter and feel the connection and love. And through his eyes, I experienced it too... it was like magic.
I have read a lot about visualization and how powerful it can be when you want to manifest something, but I have never been able to accomplish it or witness it. It left me inspired, empowered and in awe of this kid's ability to let his imagination take flight at a moment's notice.
On the advice of my friend Michelle, I am going to start to keep a joy journal. When I experience it, I am going to write it down or track it in my phone, then in a few months I can look back and see if there is an emerging pattern. After all, seeing is believing...
But I remain grateful for the 8-year-old who set my heart ablaze with his pure insight, because it is through the eyes of a child that honesty can truly be seen.
